I’m having a writer’s crisis of conscious….
How do you all divide your week between work, family, friends and writing? What does the graph look like when you break it down into percentages?
As a wife with a full time job, the percentage I devote to writing each week varies but is always low on the totem pole. I have dealt with this struggle for quite some time, but as I become more serious and focused on my writing aspirations, I seem to be waging an internal battle.
I can only say no to friends so many times before they feel snubbed. I’m married to a man who wants to spend every minute together when not at work or community involvement. I know that isn’t a problem, but a gift. But how do I choose to turn down a Sunday hike with my husband to spend it in an office typing away?
The truth is my writing takes the back burner.
Here is the vicious cycle:
Anytime I choose my writing over my husband; feelings are hurt. He does not yell, “How can you choose words over me!” It is the look that creeps up on his bearded face saying, “You made my heart hurt today.” Then my buried Catholic guilt comes banging on my conscious…followed swiftly by writer’s block.
When I decide to join in on whatever fun activity my husband has planned for us, my inner ramblings turn sour. They tell me I should be in my tiny writing haven, not hiking in the forest. Or out of spite my thoughts are racing with ideas that I can’t write down.
My husband has many commitments related to the community and work taking him away a several nights a month. Friends see those as a free night out. I see a mini writer’s camp. Mind you, I’d love to decompress over a glass of wine with girlfriends or hang with my husband. I just have a dream I’m chasing.
This dream was once a hobby, and now is a calling. It’s a deep-seated itch I have to scratch. From life lessons to characters in a fictional world, words find me all day long and ask to be written. Even if no ones read them, I choose to be a part of their journey from headspace to page- because I love the literary life.
Thus far, my best compromise for outdoor activities is taking a notebook with me. My husband actually keeps one in his vehicle in case I forget mine – something sweet I learned on our last hiking adventure. When he finds a place along the river to drop a line, I find one of nature’s chairs and break out my pencil. You may have seen the pictures in some of my #writeoutside series.
So how do you do it? I’ve read this is a common writer’s dilemma, though having only two or three friends that write, I have little to go on.
I appreciate any and all feedback or encouragement !